I first learned of this concept from psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden. He was talking about romantic relationships; he made the comment that "in order to find the right woman, you must become the right man."

Another part of my formula is this: once you become a damned good roommate, you need to develop the mindset that says you are not going to accept anything less than similarly good treatment in return. When you get to the point where you really, really mean this -- you are not just saying it -- you will find numerous ways to communicate this attitude to other potential roommates. Note that I am not saying this is miraculous or magic and that there will not be some missteps along the way. But these two steps taken together are extremely powerful, partially because they are relatively unusual and mainly because they are simply based on reality. People want to be treated fairly, yet relatively few seem willing to do this. Become one of those people, and know it, and you have an immediate advantage.

Become obsessive about treating others fairly! This is by far the most obvious and powerful foundation for receiving this kind of treatment in return.

The third component of this strategy is a little more subtle, but no less powerful: it consists of knowing that there are many, many advantages to being a terrific roommate beyond the obvious ones. Just about anything you do with your life is going to involve interacting with other people -- your work, your friendships, your romantic relationships, your family. All of these relationships require the ability to deal properly and fairly with each other. The roommate experience can be a fabulous training ground for developing these essential skills that will serve you extremely well throughout your life.

Another possibly underappreciated advantage of being a really good roommate is the simple fact that powerful connections among people are one of the most important advantages we can have in life, and yet they are fairly difficult to form. Living with a person or persons is a wonderful opportunity to form the kinds of attachments that can last a lifetime -- if you are willing to do what it takes to be a really good roommate and insist on having similarly good roommates. To miss an opportunity like this to form powerful connections because of old behaviors (or another thing I learned from Nathaniel Branden, "obsolete responses") is really a shame.

This section of conflictisstupid.com will do everything possible to increase the number of really strong roommate relationships out there in the world. This just might be the beginning of an improvement in the world itself. We will see!